Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Best abstinence lesson ever

When my husband and I were dating, my future mother-in-law told me a story that was the best story I've ever heard encouraging abstinence.

She told a story about a couple much like us, in college, engaged, with plenty of freedom. But she's an OB nurse, and she met this couple in the hospital when the woman was giving birth. The couple knew they couldn't give the little baby girl the life they wanted to give it, with stability and money, but they had decided give it life. The time came to have the baby, and then give it to the parents who were going to adopt it.

My mother-in-law told about how the couple had a separate room to say goodbye to the baby, to send it off to its new life. She told about how they walked out of the hospital crying, with no baby to hold. She told how they knew they were doing the right thing for their family and for the baby, but that it was still hard.

After having 3 babies and 2 early miscarriages, this story means even more to me, but even at the time I was tearing up. I decided that this would not happen to my fiance and me. That story and the consequences the other couple faces brought life to the choices I made every day. Thanks, mom.

*I know, it could also encourage birth control. I guess it depends on who you are.

Comprehensive Abstinence sexual education

The other day I listened to a radio show (Diane Rehm or Talk of the Nation, most likely) with a number of participants from all sides of the sex education debate. What it came down to was this:
  • Abstinence only educators say that they provide information about contraception, it is not a focus of the course.
  • Comprehensive educators say that they provide information and relationship skills which encourage kids to choose abstinence.
Listening to these women, as far as I can tell, when the courses are taught correctly the only difference is that the comprehensive course includes a demonstration of a condom. That's it. The other difference is that the abstinence course highlights failure of birth control/anti STD devices.

The Comprehensive woman pointed out that by pointing out the failure rates, teens might think "well, they all fail, I may as well not use anything." I would point out that teaching about birth control and the naturalness of sexual activity (with or without marriage) might lead teens to think "well, everyone is doing it, I must be a dweeb if I'm not." (I heard a talk about "50 ways to yes" which told stories about how you present something changing the chances that it would be accepted: I think this is one of those cases.)

Look, I'm for teaching about condoms. But then let's teach about the failure rates too. Let's teach kids that they don't need to use their bodies to get the emotional support they seek. Let's teach kids better ways to have someone who loves you than having a baby. Let's teach kids that they are so valuable that their sexuality is not something to experiment with, but something to cherish. Let's teach kids that not doing it is the normal pattern. Let's teach kids that they are more than their sexuality, that they have a mind, emotions, and a body apart from sex.

From what it sounded like on the radio, neither the comprehensive nor the abstinence only groups have much of a difference from this program, and if they would start listening to each other, they would find that out. Unless both the women were lying about their actual positions...