Today on the Diane Reams show I heard Matthew B. Crawford speak about his book "Shop Class as Soulcraft." Then I saw a review of the book at the WSJ, so I figured I should really write some of my impressions.
Working with mind and hands as a SAHM. One of the things Mr. Crawford said that really impressed me was asking whether people who "work with their hands" don't work with their minds as well. He says that fixing motorcycles is hands on but involves his mind in solving problems. For me, using my brain is the only thing that keeps this job tolerable. On one level, it involves thinking about other things while doing mind numbing tasks---writing blog posts while washing dishes, for example. On another level, the problems that come up in parenting involve much creative problem solving. I'm not born organized, for example, so I have to come up with solutions to problems like "how can we make sure we don't forget shoes when we go out?" and "how can I tell when Eleanor should wash her hair?" (I'm still working on the second one...). Then there are the in the trenches child problems: how can I help Luke sleep? What is going on with Eleanor at school? How can I tell if Amanda is getting enough to eat? This is not mindless.
Making things at home, self reliance even when you have an intellectual job I have found that if Michael goes too long without making something, he gets antsy. So I let him add a spigot to our irrigation system, or buld a bench or a bed or desk, or fix some electrical problem. When I was studying math, one of my favorite pastimes was cross stitch, because I could see my progress on the project, instead of having non-physical progress to report. And also, I really hate solving problems at home by writing checks---if possible, I'd like to figure out how it works (or have Michael figure out how it works). Sometimes that leads to procrastination (like our garden...although I'm trying to work on that now). But sometimes I learn something new.
The WSJ best job article A while ago the Wall Street Journal published an article about the best jobs, and mathematician came up first. After looking at the article, what the study did was look at the jobs that the people doing the study wanted to have, and find the jobs that most fit them. My sister-in-law, who works as an OB nurse, had to disagree---I think she thinks her job is better than being a mathematician. The article is an example of the denigrating of physical work that is rampant in this country. Of course I like studying mathematics, but really it's not for everyone, and it's not even for me all of the time.
I think that if I ever get my "Parents with unused degrees" book club going, this would be one of the books we would read.
Showing posts with label mathematics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mathematics. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Doubt
I got my PhD almost 10 years ago now. When I started out on this path, 20 years ago (when I graduated from high school) I hadn't planned on using my high fallutin' education "just to raise kids", but that is where I ended up.
This post is not about how I ended up here, but about where I want to go next. With the economy the way it is, I may not have much of a choice about where I go in the near future, and staying at home with my kids is fulfilling, involves creative sides of myself that I never knew I had, and is helping me get myself organized. And yet... Next year, Luke goes to preschool for 3 mornings a week, and I really don't want to spend the time reading blogs and cleaning the house.
The thing I would like to do most is actually mathematical research, although pure research does not pay very well---right now I am planning on using the research to spring into some other kind of work. I enjoy reading the papers and thinking about theorems and seeing what I can prove. I do not enjoy writing yet, although blogging has made me a better writer (although not up to where I was when I was writing my dissertation). Sitting in a coffee shop drinking tea and reading papers brings me right back to where I was when I was in graduate school. What I have now that I didn't in grad school is a lot of doubt.
When I was in graduate school, I knew that it was where I belonged. The work was hard but pleasant. I wasn't the brightest kid in the bunch, but I wasn't at the bottom of the barrel. It became clear that if I put the work in and got results, I would graduate. If I didn't graduate, it wouldn't be my fault, and I could move on to the next thing (since I wouldn't have been in the right place anyway). I did get to be proficient, and eventually after years of work I got my degree. I was in the right place, doing the right things, and there was no reason to worry about it.
But right now, I'm not sure I could ever get back where I was, much less move forward. I remember an older man (probably younger that I am now) going back to graduate school while trying to work at IBM and have a family, and he gave it up after a few weeks. Is my distracted attention enough to keep me from doing what I want to do?
Some of what I am feeling can be overcome, it is a result of the unfamiliarity with mathematics that I lived with intimately for so long. But some of it comes from the genuine pressure from raising kids and having 20 million (at least) things going on in my brain, all of which are tremendously important, at least to the young child who is tugging at my hand or trying to get my multiply divided attention. In the past year I have seen some studies showing that multitasking makes us stupid, the kind of reading I do is bad for concentration. This morning I heard an interview about how we make decisions, and the interviewee used the example that having to keep a telephone number in your head makes decision making less efficient---I feel like I've go 10 telephone numbers in my head all the time! Is it possible to find the peace and quiet and motivation to get back into doing mathematics?
The answer: maybe. People usually manage to get done what they really want, provided they have some resources. I have a few hours a week next year. Tonight I looked myself up on "Google Scholar" and found that my dissertation had been cited by two people! One wrote that my results were "interesting but not widely known!" This makes me a little excited, in case you are wondering. If I can take the excitement plus the desire to get out of the house and think hard, plus a few hours a week... maybe I can write the papers I need to write. And after that... who knows.
Writing this about doubt made me realize that doubt has actually been with me for a long time. When I graduated, I needed to send copies of my dissertation to lots of people, and I was too shy. I needed to send my paper to someone else after it was rejected twice, but I was too shy. I didn't believe that my results were interesting (although now they've been referenced at least twice!) and so I never could get myself to work on writing the papers. I think that while my current life is not so helpful in encouraging sustained thinking, it may be useful in giving me some confidence and perspective. 10 years off may not be entirely bad for my mathematical life.
This post is not about how I ended up here, but about where I want to go next. With the economy the way it is, I may not have much of a choice about where I go in the near future, and staying at home with my kids is fulfilling, involves creative sides of myself that I never knew I had, and is helping me get myself organized. And yet... Next year, Luke goes to preschool for 3 mornings a week, and I really don't want to spend the time reading blogs and cleaning the house.
The thing I would like to do most is actually mathematical research, although pure research does not pay very well---right now I am planning on using the research to spring into some other kind of work. I enjoy reading the papers and thinking about theorems and seeing what I can prove. I do not enjoy writing yet, although blogging has made me a better writer (although not up to where I was when I was writing my dissertation). Sitting in a coffee shop drinking tea and reading papers brings me right back to where I was when I was in graduate school. What I have now that I didn't in grad school is a lot of doubt.
When I was in graduate school, I knew that it was where I belonged. The work was hard but pleasant. I wasn't the brightest kid in the bunch, but I wasn't at the bottom of the barrel. It became clear that if I put the work in and got results, I would graduate. If I didn't graduate, it wouldn't be my fault, and I could move on to the next thing (since I wouldn't have been in the right place anyway). I did get to be proficient, and eventually after years of work I got my degree. I was in the right place, doing the right things, and there was no reason to worry about it.
But right now, I'm not sure I could ever get back where I was, much less move forward. I remember an older man (probably younger that I am now) going back to graduate school while trying to work at IBM and have a family, and he gave it up after a few weeks. Is my distracted attention enough to keep me from doing what I want to do?
Some of what I am feeling can be overcome, it is a result of the unfamiliarity with mathematics that I lived with intimately for so long. But some of it comes from the genuine pressure from raising kids and having 20 million (at least) things going on in my brain, all of which are tremendously important, at least to the young child who is tugging at my hand or trying to get my multiply divided attention. In the past year I have seen some studies showing that multitasking makes us stupid, the kind of reading I do is bad for concentration. This morning I heard an interview about how we make decisions, and the interviewee used the example that having to keep a telephone number in your head makes decision making less efficient---I feel like I've go 10 telephone numbers in my head all the time! Is it possible to find the peace and quiet and motivation to get back into doing mathematics?
The answer: maybe. People usually manage to get done what they really want, provided they have some resources. I have a few hours a week next year. Tonight I looked myself up on "Google Scholar" and found that my dissertation had been cited by two people! One wrote that my results were "interesting but not widely known!" This makes me a little excited, in case you are wondering. If I can take the excitement plus the desire to get out of the house and think hard, plus a few hours a week... maybe I can write the papers I need to write. And after that... who knows.
Writing this about doubt made me realize that doubt has actually been with me for a long time. When I graduated, I needed to send copies of my dissertation to lots of people, and I was too shy. I needed to send my paper to someone else after it was rejected twice, but I was too shy. I didn't believe that my results were interesting (although now they've been referenced at least twice!) and so I never could get myself to work on writing the papers. I think that while my current life is not so helpful in encouraging sustained thinking, it may be useful in giving me some confidence and perspective. 10 years off may not be entirely bad for my mathematical life.
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